Recognizing God's Faithfulness in the Things I Did Not Understand
A Testimony of His Faithfulness — Jon Syvertson
“And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee...” — Deuteronomy 8:2, KJV
Sometimes I wonder how much of God's leading we fail to recognize while we are living through it. We pray, we question, we struggle to understand our circumstances, and we look for evidence that He is listening. Yet it may be years later, when we return to those experiences, that we begin to recognize something we could not see at the time.
This week, I experienced something like that.
I have been carrying a heavy burden over financial and legal matters involving my former marriage. There are obligations, uncertainties, and concerns about the future that have been weighing upon my heart. I have been asking God for wisdom, deliverance, and strength, wanting to do what is right while wondering how everything will work out.
In the midst of these concerns, I found myself reflecting upon events that took place more than five years ago. I began looking again at the circumstances surrounding my first meeting with Charmaine, who would eventually become my wife.
As I revisited my journals and remembered things I had not written down, I recognized a connection that had escaped me all these years.
And I found myself saying, "Lord, You are faithful."
Thirty Days After My Divorce
My divorce from Mary was finalized on April 20, 2021. It had been a difficult and painful season, and I was weary from everything surrounding the ending of our marriage.
I needed some rest.
My friend Charmaine had invited me to Priest River, Idaho, to help with some outreach activities she was involved in. I accepted the invitation, and on May 18, 2021, I arrived in Priest River and camped along the river.
The following day, May 19, would have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary with Mary.
I find it interesting that I remember these dates so clearly. Thirty years is a long time to share a history with someone. There were years of family life, children, experiences, responsibilities, and memories. Divorce doesn't erase that history, nor does it mean the consequences of what happened simply disappear. Even today, some of those matters remain part of my life.
But something happened the very next day.
On May 20, exactly thirty days after my divorce, I met Charmaine in person for the first time.
At the time, I didn't recognize the significance of those thirty days. I was simply a man trying to recover from a painful experience, needing rest, and wanting to be useful in the work of the Lord.
Yet that evening I found myself asking God a question about a future I could hardly imagine.
A Question on May 20, 2021
I am grateful that I kept a journal, because it allows me to return to what I was actually thinking and feeling rather than relying entirely upon memories that have been shaped by what happened afterward.
That evening, at 10:05 p.m., I wrote:
“Tonight I met Charmaine at her place. When I saw her, she is even more beautiful in person. Her tender heart toward the situation of others is obvious and her love for Jesus is precious.”
I went on to describe how awkward and shy I felt. I wasn't a particularly good conversationalist, and I certainly didn't feel ready for another relationship.
Then I wrote:
“I am in no shape to be involved with anyone so soon after this divorce. I wanted to know if I should have anything to do with some kind of future with her and before I opened my Bible tonight on my phone, I prayed for God to just let me know if I could have any future with her.”
That was my question to God.
Could there be any future with this woman?
I wasn't asking Him to give me a wife immediately. I knew that I needed healing. I also knew that Charmaine had experienced pain in previous marriages, and the last thing I wanted was to become the one who would break her heart.
I wanted God's will.
After praying, I opened the Bible app on my phone. The verse of the day was Psalm 37:4.
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
I began to tear up.
It seemed to me that perhaps God was leading in that direction, but I didn't know. Only time would tell.
What stands out to me now is how I responded to that Scripture. I didn't take it as permission to begin pursuing a relationship. Instead, I recognized where my attention needed to be.
My journal continued:
“My focus now simply needs to be to delight myself in the Lord. This is a conditional promise. To really press into His presence in prayer, continued bible study and healing.”
I concluded that evening by acknowledging that God had each of us on a path, and I did not want to disrupt Charmaine's path or step outside His will for my own life.
“God will have to make it all clear.”
That was where I left it.
Or so I thought.
The Following Day — Something I Could Not Explain
On May 21, the day after that prayer, I was watching Charmaine working in the kitchen.
Something happened that startled me.
As I looked upon her, it was as though I was looking upon my wife.
I want to be careful in describing this because there is a distinction that matters to me.
It wasn't that I was imagining Charmaine might one day become my wife. I wasn't entertaining a picture of our future together or considering what it would be like to marry her.
For that brief moment, it was as though I was looking upon my wife right then.
I was shocked.
I am a person who tries to remain grounded in reality. I knew very well that Charmaine was not my wife. I had only met her in person the previous day, and my divorce was barely a month behind me.
The experience was so unusual that I dismissed it. I doubted myself and didn't know what to make of it. I don't believe I even wrote about it in my journal because it seemed too strange to put into words.
Yet I never forgot that moment.
Now, more than five years later, I have realized something that I had never connected before.
The night before, I had specifically asked God whether I could have any future with Charmaine. The very next day, I experienced that startling impression that I was looking upon my wife.
Could that have been an answer to my question?
Could God have been showing me something I could not yet understand?
I cannot say with certainty. I don't want to make a claim that goes beyond what I know. But I also don't want to dismiss the possibility that the Lord was attending to my questioning in a way I did not recognize at the time.
What is particularly interesting is that I am only now making this connection.
I remembered the prayer. I remembered the experience in the kitchen. But until this week, I had never put those two things together as a possible question and answer.
And today, Charmaine is my wife.
The Desires of My Heart
There is another part of this testimony that makes Psalm 37:4 especially meaningful to me.
Several months before our meeting in Priest River, Charmaine and I had spoken on December 31, 2020. At that time, I was still going through my divorce. Our communication concerned an order I had placed with her.
Afterward, Charmaine sent me a text message that included these words:
“Nice to speak with you and may God grant you the desires of your heart this New Year!”
At the time, I thought it was a nice message, but I wasn't thinking about a future relationship. I was simply trying to get through the divorce.
Then, on May 20, after meeting Charmaine, I asked God whether any future with her was possible.
And the Scripture that appeared was Psalm 37:4:
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
It wasn't until June 2021 that I rediscovered her New Year's message and recognized the connection.
On June 14, I wrote in my journal about how I had recently told Charmaine that I liked her and hoped our friendship could grow, but that I couldn't be anything more than a friend at that time.
I was anxious about how she might respond, but I was willing to leave the outcome with God.
Then I reflected upon her New Year's greeting:
“Recognizing that Charmaine had wished for me, the desires of my heart for the new year on Dec 31st and that it could be met by the person that wished them for me . . . I don't have a big enough imagination to make this up.”
Even as I read those words today, I am struck by how little I understood about what lay ahead.
Charmaine had wished that God would grant me the desires of my heart at a time when I could hardly think about having such desires.
Months later, after asking God about a possible future with her, I encountered a Scripture containing almost the same words.
And the following day came that startling moment in the kitchen.
These things unfolded over time, and I did not recognize all their possible connections as they were happening.
On May 22, Charmaine would also share with me part of her own testimony involving Isaiah 54:4–5 and an experience dating back to May 22, 2009, twelve years earlier. That testimony has its own significance in our story.
There is much more to tell, but what is occupying my thoughts today is the way these experiences are coming back to my remembrance.
Thirty Days of Mourning
As I reflected upon the thirty days between my divorce and meeting Charmaine, I became interested in the biblical significance of that period.
In Deuteronomy 34:8, Scripture records:
“And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days: so the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended.”
Numbers 20:29 also records that Israel mourned Aaron for thirty days.
In both accounts, thirty days marked a period of mourning associated with a profound loss and a transition in the life of God's people.
I don't believe Scripture establishes a prophetic rule that thirty days after a divorce some new beginning must occur. These passages concern the deaths of Moses and Aaron, and I would not want to make them say something they do not say.
Nevertheless, the comparison has caused me to reflect upon my own experience.
A marriage that would have reached its thirtieth anniversary on May 19 had ended. On May 20, thirty days after the divorce, I met the woman who would become my wife.
That does not diminish the sorrow of what had ended or remove my responsibilities toward those affected by it. But it reminds me that the sorrows of our past need not prevent us from experiencing God's mercy as life continues.
And perhaps the greater significance is not found in the number thirty at all, but in the way God has continued to teach me to trust Him.
Remember All the Way
Deuteronomy 8:2 says:
“And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness...”
I have been pondering those words.
God did not simply tell Israel to remember the deliverance from Egypt or the miracles that had brought them joy. He told them to remember all the way.
That included the wilderness, the hunger, the humbling, the testing, and the lessons that revealed what was in their hearts.
The wilderness was not something to be forgotten once they reached the promised land. It was part of what God had used to teach them dependence upon Him.
In Life Sketches, page 196, Ellen White wrote:
“We have nothing to fear for the future, except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us...”
Her counsel also emphasizes remembering the teachings God has given through past history.
I am beginning to appreciate this more deeply.
There are experiences in my own history that I would not have chosen. There have been failures, mistakes, disappointments, losses, and times when I did not understand what God was doing. I am not suggesting that every decision I made was His will or that every circumstance was brought about by Him.
But I am learning that even through difficult and painful experiences, the Lord has been inviting me to know Him more fully.
I think about the journals I have kept through the years. When I wrote those entries, I had little idea how precious they might become. They preserve the questions I was asking, the prayers I was praying, and the uncertainties I was facing.
They have become, in a sense, stones of remembrance.
Ellen White wrote in The Desire of Ages, page 348:
“It is for our own benefit to keep every gift of God fresh in our memory.”
She goes on to encourage believers to remember the Lord's loving-kindness and establish their own stones of witness.
I find that especially meaningful.
My journals are not merely records of my life. As I revisit them, they give me an opportunity to reflect upon the mercy of God, recognize where He has been teaching me, and remember His faithfulness.
And sometimes I discover something I had not seen before.
His Faithfulness in My Present Need
Perhaps the most meaningful part of this testimony is why these memories have become so precious to me right now.
I am not writing from a place where every problem has been resolved.
I am still dealing with difficult financial and legal matters connected with my former marriage. I have obligations to meet and responsibilities that I take seriously. I want to do what is right, but at times the burden feels very heavy.
I have been praying for wisdom, justice, strength, forgiveness, and deliverance. I have been asking God to uphold me and provide for our needs.
Charmaine and I are also in a season of waiting and reevaluating the direction of our ministry. We want to know where the Lord is leading rather than simply pressing ahead with plans of our own.
There are questions for which I still do not have answers.
And in the midst of all this, I have been reminded of a question I asked God five years ago.
“Could I have any future with her?”
I didn't know then what would happen. I didn't know how our relationship might develop or that one day I would be looking back upon that evening as Charmaine's husband.
But today I can see how the Lord has continued to work in my life, even though I cannot fully explain every experience along the way.
That remembrance has brought encouragement to my heart.
Psalm 77:11–12 says:
“I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.”
The psalmist spoke these words in the midst of distress. He turned his thoughts toward what God had done before.
And that is where I find myself today.
My financial concerns have not disappeared. The legal matters are still before me. I still need wisdom for the decisions ahead, and I still need the Lord to lead.
But something has changed as I have remembered.
I have been reminded that God is near, that I can bring my questions before Him, and that my inability to see the future does not mean He has abandoned me.
I don't need to manufacture certainty about every circumstance. I need to continue doing what He invited me to do on May 20, 2021.
Delight myself in the Lord.
The next verse, Psalm 37:5, says:
“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
That invitation remains as meaningful to me today as it was five years ago.
My circumstances are different, but my need is the same.
I need Him.
Lord, You Are Faithful
As I recognized these connections, my heart was moved to prayer.
Lord, You are faithful.
I realize how much I needed to see that You are nearby, that You attend to our questioning.
I have been feeling so weighed down by finances and legal divorce matters, and I needed to be reminded of Your care.
Thank You for allowing me to look back upon these experiences. Thank You for the journals that preserve things I might otherwise have forgotten. Thank You for the possibility of recognizing Your hand in ways I did not understand at the time.
Father, You know the burdens that remain before me. You know my responsibilities, my weaknesses, my failures, and the desires of my heart.
Give me wisdom. Give me strength. Lead me in Your will, and help me to trust You with what I cannot control.
I don't want to presume upon Your providence, but neither do I want to forget Your mercies.
Teach me to remember all the way You have led me.
And as Charmaine and I look toward the future, help us to be faithful in the things You have placed before us, whether we are called to move forward or to wait upon You.
I am reminded of Lamentations 3:22–23:
“It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
I don't know how all the circumstances before us will be resolved. But I know that I can bring them before my heavenly Father.
And perhaps that is why remembering is so important.
We look back not to remain in the past, but to be reminded of the One who has been with us through it.
His faithfulness yesterday gives me courage to trust Him today, even when tomorrow is still unknown.
Thank You, Father.
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Amen.
From the series Testimonies of His Faithfulness — Upward Way Homestead
Scripture references: Deuteronomy 8:2; Psalm 37:3–5; Psalm 77:11–12; Numbers 20:29; Deuteronomy 34:8; Isaiah 54:4–5; Joshua 4:6–7; Lamentations 3:22–23.
Spirit of Prophecy references: Ellen G. White, Life Sketches, p. 196.2; The Desire of Ages, p. 348.2.
Scripture quotations from the King James Version.